I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
