If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
