wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
