I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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