i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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