so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
