I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
