I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My life is pants optional.
Randomize