My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i would one night stand the shit outta him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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