Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
