Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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