we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
