We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
