Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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