with your own penis?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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