Michael Bay diarrhea
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize