White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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