I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
