Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
