I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
