dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
