well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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