i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
