they need to just BURY HIM!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
