Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize