were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
