My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
