New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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