My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
