im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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