FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
