The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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