don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
