I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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