I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
