We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
