He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Pants are for mortals
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
