I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
