I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
