You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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