note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
