I wish I could teleport
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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