Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
