Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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