Apparently you make a good broom.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Pooping to opera.
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