Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
