If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
