I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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