Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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