So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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