theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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