New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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