btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize