from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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