So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
