We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
