My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize