So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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