I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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