drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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