I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
