Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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