none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
