i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
