a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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