If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
