I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
