do herpes really smell.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
