seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
