I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
