If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
