My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
