She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
