I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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