you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
