Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
