i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
