Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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