omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
