This dress was meant to end up on your floor
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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