Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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