He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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