She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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