On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
