went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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