Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
