I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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