Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
