i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
