im six kinds of drunk right now
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
