I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
