He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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