I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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