I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
