im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
